Random Thursday: Paper Wins, Befuddled Brains, and Starships for No Real Reason

This is a little less cohesive than usual . . . but so am I.

That counts as a theme, right?
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Diagram Your Title

Those of you who hail from the UK probably know about the Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year, but I didn’t until my friend Cha Cha sent me a link.

This year’s winner is above—the competition was fierce:

Was Hitler Ill?

Lofts of North America: Pigeon Lofts

How to Sharpen Pencils: A Practical & Theoretical Treatise on the Artisanal Craft of Pencil Sharpening for Writers, Artists, Contractors, Flange Turners, Anglesmiths, & Civil Servants*

God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis

How Tea Cosies Changed the World

A gallery of former winners is here—I’m particularly tickled by The Anger of Aubergines and Tattooed Mountain Women and Spoon Boxes of Daghestan, but Rats: for those who care is tough to resist.

And after agonizing over my own titles, I find the weirdness oddly comforting.

Anyone else have a contender for next year’s prize?

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Paper—2, Digital—0

My husband sent me this in response to the video I posted last Thursday.

Sure, it works, but you can’t void the warranty on a rolled up copy of the New York Times.

Right, Emma?

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A Concise Explanation and Some Sound Advice

John Cleese explains the brain.

Or points to one while talking.

The auto-caption feature was completely befuddled by this—it offered different interpretations each time I played it, and didn’t match what I think he’s actually saying.

But befuddlement is John Cleese’s superpower, so it’s all good.

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A Papery Aftertaste . . .

I honestly thought this was a Photoshop joke, but when I tried to link back, I found an actual  promotion for a  beer created for Powell’s Books anniversary—brewed with actual pages from Moby Dick.

Then, I thought it was an April Fool’s joke, but the announcement was posted in November.

And now I have no idea.

I’m not a beer drinker, so if it is true, I think I’ll pass.

But I’m looking forward to trying the Crime and Punishment Russian Standard.

Or a Chekhov cherry liqueur.

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Sheer Starship Awesome

Watson hates the song, but I love everything about this fanvid, from the beat to the clips to the way it’s all put together.

Because that’s how I geek.

How many of the clips do you recognize?

(Psst: I’m putting a parental warning on this for language—it’s barely radio-safe,** so listen first, please)

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*The celebrity quotes on this book are hilarious.  There’s a sample of them on Amazon.

**I was going to make a “pun intended” joke, but realized being bare is generally safe for radio, Howard Stern notwithstanding, so never mind.

Addictively Sweet?

Downith over at writeitdown-ith was kind enough to nominate Earful of Cider for an Addictive Blog Award last week.

“Time Suck” is a serious compliment around here and being called “delightful” ” never fails to make my day,  which was, at that point, some assembly required with half the screws missing and no hex key, so I really can’t thank her enough.

Part of accepting this award—and  ego easily won over modesty because it’s had far more practice—is to nominate ten other blogs.

Which is when I realized that I’m a definite shoo-in for the Addicted Blogger Award, if there is such a thing, because it was tough to limit it to only ten—even when I reluctantly decided that I  couldn’t renominate Downith.

Admitting there’s a problem is the first step.

The second step was to list all the blogs I never miss, assign numbers, and run it all through a random generator.

Here are the first ten, in the order given back to me, so if you’re not on here and I comment on your blog, blame Skynet:

Murderati — Crime writers writing criminally excellent posts.

Heylookawriterfellow — Mike Allegra is a wild and crazily talented guy.

Lyrical Meanderings — Lyra  writes the kind of posts that are always relevant to what you’re going through at any given time.  It would be spooky if she weren’t such an amazing person.

Unnecessary Noise Prohibited (previously macdougalstreetbaby) — her images a worth more than a thousand words, and her words are amazing.

Fangs and Clause — snarky support and grammatical grace as given by a very independent clause

Semi-Educational Reviews — Jalisa Blackman is responsible for a third of my music collection and most of the recommendations I’ve made to the library’s YA selector.  She also makes me consider the roles of women and non-Caucasian ethnic groups in the books I read and the stories I write.

Taps and Ratamacues  — John is a terrific poet and a thoughtful blogger.  Good recipes, too.

Betsy Lerner’s Forest for the Trees —  I can’t say enough about Betsy or her blog—she’s built a real community over there that her current hiatus  has not dispelled.

QueryShark — I love both of Janet Reid’s blogs, but this is the one that the generator picked. If you’re considering sending your stuff out to an agent or editor, read through her archives first.

Averil Dean — her blog makes me think thinky thoughts—in a really good way.

Genevieve Valentine — She’s a terrific author, but I read her blog for the reviews of TV shows and movies—good and bad, new and old—which are intelligent and almost as snarky as her Red Carpet Rundowns, which consistently make my sides hurt laughing.

But that’s not all.  After I’d finally completed this list, I checked my in-box and discovered that Jalisa up there had nominated me for the SuperSweet Blogger Award.

Seriously.

Sweet isn’t the usual adjective I get, but I’ll take it for the reasons stated above, and because I’m told by one of our earnest-faced, teenage, library pages that sweet has become synonymous with badass, which is, I’m sure, how Lisa meant it.

And also because there’s a list of questions to answer for this one, so at least I feel like I’m doing something to earn it:

1. Cookies or Cake?  Tough call.  But honestly . . . cake.  Any kind, any shape, Doughnuts, on a platter, or in cupcakes . . . good Lord, I’m waxing poetic.  Add a thick layer of white-hot sugar death frosting and throw in a couple of dubiously-colored roses and I’m all yours until the crash.

2. Chocolate or Vanilla? If I have to choose, vanilla.  Though chocolate makes a nice garnish or add-in for almost anything.

3. Favorite sweet treat?  Not to dis cake, but . . .  Jelly beans, because I can eat ‘em and write at the same time without gumming up my keyboard.  The good ones,  mind, not the cheapo spicy ones.  And no licorice ones, because the flavor is way too strong and nothing you put in your mouth should make your tongue turn that color.  Nothing.

4. When do you crave sweet things the most? Early morning and early evening, unless I’m sleep deprived or dieting, in which case, batten down the hatches and lock up your buns . . .

If you had a sweet nickname, what would it be?  I plead the Fifth, and open it to the comments.

I’m supposed to nominate an additional baker’s dozen of sweet/badass bloggers, which pretty much put me right back where I started, but if I cross off the collective blogs and the few that I know don’t care for these kinds of awards or sweets, the list is as follows—and yeah, you’re going to see some repetition:

Mike Allegra

Lyra

MSB

independent clause

Downith

John S.

Averil Dean

Lisa Golden

Maddie Cochere

Sue Ann Bowling

Teri Carter

Bobbi French

Laura Maylene Walker

Whew!

Poetry Wednesday: Ode to the Cephalopod Mollusc Contest!

Tell me, O Octopus, I begs
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I’d call me Us.

—Ogden Nash

You know there’s an unfortunate lack of poems about a certain subject when I’m forced to resort to Odgen Nash, who was a clever, playful, and undeniably talented man whose utter disregard for meter drives me batguano insane.*

We shall not speak of how quick that trip must be for a woman who spent the better part of two hours searching for octopus poetry.

Instead, we shall agree that it’s clearly time for another Try It Yourself Poetry Contest!

The rules, as usual, are simple:  Write me an octopus poem. 

Don’t care what kind, dore care what quality—but there should be at least four lines.  And if your references go beyond nudge, nudge, wink wink, e-mail it to me, please.**

There will also be double points awarded for rhyming one of the Latin classifications and for using one or more particular biological quirks of a specific cephalopod mollusc (make sure I know which one, please).

Vitreledonella
Is such a funny fella
He plays at being naive and prim
But everyone can see right through him . . .

Ahem. 

If you accept this challenge and post the poem or a link to your own place in the comments—or e-mail them to me —your name will be entered into the Pink Cowgirl Hat of Win for a chance to own the regular-sized Cafepress mug of your choice,*** which doesn’t have to feature an octopus—but c’mon, how cool would that be?

This one is gonna be quick:  contest starts now and ends midnight (CST) on Thursday. 

Winner will be selected and announced on Friday.

Tell your friends!^

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*Not that I don’t appreciate a few of his poems, or at least what he was saying in them, but those are a rare exception—this is one of ‘em.

**Kev, you’re still on limerick suspension.  I’m not joking.  And any graphic references to hentai will be passed on to your mother.

***Or an online gift card, if you prefer not to supply your postal address or CafePress won’t ship to your country, though so far, so good.

^If you’re related to me by blood or marriage, you aren’t eligible for this contest, sorry—but if you enter, at least I’ll know what to get you for your birthday.

The Bananas of Lust

Does anyone else collect possible titles for things they haven’t written and may never try to write?

Titles for any and all genres, for series or stand-alone, that instantly  inspire elevator pitches and make you catch your breath, envision cover art, or at least snort really loudly?

If you do, and your list is like mine, most of them wag the plot in directions you know you’ll probably never go, barring a major life change or Nanowrimo, but some of them actually seem like they might work . . .

The Obsidian Turkey

Epic Viscoelasticity (also suitable for an indie-rock group)

Song of the Echolocator

Languishing, Lingering Linguistics: A Provocative Study of Erotic Alliteration and Assonance through the Ages

The Curious Epitaph of Eleanor Mackelbee

Taking a Leek in Public: Thoughts on Irreverent Vegetarianism

And, for that coming-of-age series I mean to write someday about a teenage wereduck:

Quacking Up

Winging It

Swimming in Circles

Duck!

BeWere*

Even  if I’m the only one who does this, it’s a fun exercise.  And you never know—Rapture of the Kumquats could prove useful someday in a bizarre set of circumstances—and plot points—that will make the book fly off the shelves.

Anyone else have any favorite titles for unwritten works?
Titles for an unwritten series?
Comments on possible stories for any of the above?
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*I’ll bet this one has been used already and gave the  copy editors and library catalogers fits.

(The image from Wondermark is made possible by the genius and generosity of David Malki!)

Something Hilarious

I have no idea who sent me this video of the strange and awesome brilliance of gymnast Paul Hunt, but thank you:

I found this one on my own:

It takes a lot of skill to be this bad and this good at the same time.