Selected thoughts throughout a rare day off from work:*
1. Panera is a great place to write—hot and cold running caffeine, orange scones, convenient wall sockets, free WiFi to help me avoid doing any writing at all with research—but holy cow it’s loud. Mister, when you talk into your bluetooth thingie, I can hear your side of the conversation . . . and I’m writing it down for later.
2. Why is it that I’ve just spent an hour trying to figure out if maximum-security Federal prisons make visitors take full-body X-ray scans,** just so I can add one detail and five words to this scene? Is that good craft or an OCD flare up?
3. Hey! My favorite bookstore is sold out of Jeff Somers’ Terminal State. I’m happy for him, but I’m halfway through Eternal Prison, and I want that book.
4. What gift should I get for a co-worker’s wedding shower? I don’t know if she and her partner are already living together or if either of them cooks. But if they don’t cook, they probably won’t have cool kitchen stuff . . . and if they do cook, they’ll like more cool kitchen stuff. And this is why they invented gift receipts. Sold.
5. Lunch and movie break with my friend Grace! Easy A or The Expendables? Stanley Tucci’s twinkling wit or Sylvester Stallone’s tattooed torso? No woman should have to make this decision. Lucky thing Grace is practical: earliest matinée it is.
6. Lisa Kudrow should have played her character a little more brittle Baby Jane and a little less neurotic skipped record. I’m just sayin’.
7. Borders has sold out of Terminal State, too! But at least I can score a pumpkin Cremekula and a wall socket.
8. I can’t help but sigh at the Independent Readers shelves. Janie is such an independent reader that she won’t come near a book if she suspects I’ve noticed it exists. I think I’ll get that Roald Dahl collection over there and tell her not to touch the box on pain of death. It worked for my Calvin & Hobbes collections . . . and our wedding pictures.
9. What color jumpsuits do inmates in maximum security Federal prisons wear, anyway? Do they wear jumpsuits? Could I possibly just put down an X to represent color and get on with this, please?***
10. How can I get any writing done with George Steinbrenner glaring at me from his biography cover? I’ll flip it over . . .
Whoa—Madden wrote this? Oh, Bill Madden. Never mind.
11. Done! And with just enough plenty of time to pick up Janie from her after school thing . . . if I don’t hit any lights, cops, or construction, and all the pedestrians stay off the sidewalk. Oh, $#!%.
12. Could I just once remember to take off my wedding ring before I make a batch of my famous chicken nuggets? Ugh.
13. Bathtime Rule Number One around here is No water outside the tub. After tonight, there is an addendum: This includes the ceiling above the tub.
14. Crap. I was going to write a blog post today.
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*Please note that not all thoughts were used and some were edited for content—because, for example, my husband doesn’t need to know the details of my mental debate over number 5.
**Shoes and bags get X-rayed, people don’t.
***Orange is fine. Yes. Apparently not.
Earful of Cider 