29 | November | 2011 | Earful of Cider

Ever meet someone so smart, savvy, and snappy that it’s a blast just to riff back and forth, turning the conversation on a dime and back again?

I did, a couple months ago. It’s no real surprise she’s a fellow librarian.

I can’t remember who started our frequent IM conversations—I think I asked her how to beat the water balloon level on Thingdom one evening, or maybe she asked me about next year’s list for my short story group—but they’re always fun. She got me to read The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie* by promising to try Clementine. We’ve debated Thanksgiving feasts and agreed that Stephen Fry is amazing. She’s allowed me to swipe one of her fascinating relatives** for my next book.***

Our conversations often go like this :

Me: . . . but I’m ready for January, and that was teh goal.
I’m still missing a few stories, but they’re due later in hte year so no worries.
And I can’t spell THE to save my LIFE.

She: Reaching up to those top keys can be hard. 🙂

Me: I’s got stubby digits.

She: Stubby Digits totally sounds like a blues player’s name.

Me: The avatar for a bluesman on Guitar Hero.

She: Then it would have to be spelled Stubby Digitz.

Me: Like Limp Bizkit, except with soul.

She: Nice.

This is how cool this woman is: when I asked her if I could share one of our odd conversations, she agreed as long as she had a nom de blog. I asked her if she had any suggestions, and she immediately said, “Cha-Cha.”

Done.

Cha-Cha:
Have you ever read [author]? I can’t remember if you read romances/chick-lit. I thought I remembered you saying you read romances….

Me:
I read anything and everything, but I haven’t read her.
Which one should I try first?

Cha-Cha:
None. I was just asking in case you had already read one. She wrote our book group book for tonight. I SOOOOOO want those hours of my life back.

Me:
Is this a library book club? Or did you join of your own accord?

Cha-Cha:
Library

Me:
Then it’s not technically *wasted* time.
It’s just work time.
Right?

Cha-Cha:
Work time at home.

Me:
You would just waste it on Thingdom, anyway.

Cha-Cha:
Har.
Here’s my super-short slam:

Truly bad chick lit. Ad exec from NY comes home: (to small-town Georgia) when her dad dies. Dad leaves her the house. She stays to try and sell it. Falls in love again with the South. Sister gets pregnant (child #5) AND cancer. Ad exec falls for cowboy-hat-wearing local doc who repeatedly and brutally tells her she’s a failure for not wanting to stay in the South. Sister chooses unborn child over cancer treatment. Sister gives birth to a baby boy on Christmas night AND it snows for the first time: EVER in this town. Ad exec gets partnership in company that allows her to work from Georgia instead of NYC and marries abusive-boot-wearing doc.
Okay, maybe not so short.

Me:
Ah. The ol’ “I’m verbally abusive because I *care*” plot.
Lovely.

Cha-Cha:
If there was an actual brick in this office, I would bang my head against it.

Me:
You don’t need one. You have the story.

Cha-Cha:
I tend to think of the story more like a putrid, runny brie.

Me:
That’s . . . fairly descriptive.
We had an Amy Tan. Wrtoe up the discussion here: LINK
Wrote.
Sheesh. I’ve lost the ability to type.

Cha-Cha:
Which Tan? Did you like it?

Me:
“Two Kinds” from Joy Luck Club.
It was panful, but I liked it.
PAINful
Holy Cow.
Too much caffeine.

Cha-Cha:
IDK, I think “panful” would adequately describe The Kitchen God’s Wife.

Me:
Har.

Cha-Cha:
I’m off the caff. On day 5.

Me:
I did that when I was carrying my first kid. I was off it for 7 years.
I don’t remember much. Probably just as well.

Cha-Cha:
I know it will get better, but right now I’m totally a poster child for a bad afterschool special.

Me:
I do remember that.
My sympathies!

Cha-Cha:
Thanks.

Me:
Panera has caffeine free Pepsi.

Cha-Cha:
I KNOW!!! I was so excited to see one of the Subways has caffeine free coke. (I can’t remember which, though, since I’m not on caffeine. Sigh.)

Me:
Talk about a vicious cycle.
It’s like losing your glasses, isn’t it?
Can’t find ’em without ’em.

Cha-Cha:
Like losing your glasses, and feeling the pain of what it would be like if someone ground them into a powder and made you eat them.

Me:
Are you sure this is what you want to do with your life?
Just asking.

Cha-Cha:
No, not at all. I liked the caffeine. I liked the shakes. My blood pressure did not.

Me:
Ah . . . Did you get the coffee comic?

Cha-Cha:
Coffee comic?

Me:
Sent you a link

Cha-Cha:
OK, lemme check
Thanks. I was totally at the bugs stage.

Me:
Did you fall off the non-caff wagon?
Or is this withdrawal?

Cha-Cha:
WD. I’m at the pants stage.

Me:
Wow.

Cha-Cha:
TMI?

Me:
Tomorrow isn’t going to be fun for anyone. 🙂

Cha-Cha:
At mtg this morning sat btwn [male coworker] & [female coworker] both of whom had 2 diet Pepsis each.
I was contemplating drink theft.

Me:
I dare you to steal [male coworker’s] diet Pepsi.
And I want it on tape.

Cha-Cha:
I totally have better reflexes

Me:
I didn’t say he’d WIN.
I said I wanted to see it.

Cha-Cha:
Also, I think pointing at the sky and going “What’s that” would completely work.

Me:
Especially if he hadn’t had much of his first one yet.
And the meeting was in its second hour
I can totally see that.

Cha-Cha:
I just don’t remember ever being this tired.

Me:
The mind blanks it out.
Should have said: You have been, but you were probably asleep at the time.

Cha-Cha:
Ah. Nice.
I’m more or less going home at night and attaching my head to my “happy light” in hopes of getting some energy back.
Not sure that I am, but my retinas are nice and warm.

Me: I prefer chocolate. And room temp retinas

Cha-Cha:
As do I, but choc has caffeine

Me:
Right.
Decaf chocolate is . . . wrong
White chocolate is right . . .

Cha-Cha:
Ewwww

Me:
. . .but not the same.
Was that for decaf or white chocolate?

Cha-Cha:
Decaf

Me:
Ah.

Cha-Cha:
chocolate + peanut butter = fantabulous

Me:
Chocolate + chai = better

Cha-Cha:
ooooooooooh
love chai

Me:
PB and I have a non-aggression pact.
Dagobah Chai Chocolate Bars
[Grocery] has ’em in thier Organic section
AWESOME.
Shoot ‘they’re’
THEIR

Cha-Cha:
Clearly they are wise

Me:
They are also expensive and have cornered the market.
But so worth it.

Cha-Cha:
Agreed.

Me:
Whoops–missed a they’re
Dang

Cha-Cha:
Trying to contract?

Me:
I’m . . . I’m not sure anymore. I corrected a correction and then left out a they’re, I think.

Cha-Cha:
Have you read Diana Gabaldon?

Me:
Her first one.
I heard her speak at ALA.
Interesting woman.
Doorstop books.

Cha-Cha:
Any value in them?

Me:
Sure.
At the time the second one came out, I was too busy to read it, and then I fell way behind.
I’ll catch up eventually.

Cha-Cha:
Wasn’t sure if you only read one because they were crud…

Me:
Nope.
But they are involved.

Cha-Cha:
I would hope so at that length.

Me:
And you have to like time travel and a certain level of resulting anachronisms
And kilts.
Or plaids, really,

Cha-Cha:
Well who doesn’t like kilts?!

Me:
Not I.
I mean, I do.
There goes my grammar.

Cha-Cha:
In college I dated a guy who was his clan’s caber-tosser at the Highland Games.

Me:
I once dated a bagpipe player.
. . .
Well, that killed the conversation.

Cha-Cha:
Sorry, was disrupted.
I had a bagpipe player for an English teacher.

Me:
How’d that work out?

Cha-Cha:
She was a REALLY angry person. She was also a Civil War reinactor and about 4’5″

Me:
You know . . . those things shouldn’t fit together, but they sort of do.

Cha-Cha:
Yup. Weird.
Have a good night.

Me:
You, too.