There’s no real reason for any of this, except I like octopuses* and it’s my blog.
Soliloquy Octopus Hams it Up
What does Sir Octopus wear when it gets cold?
A coat of arms.
Octopuses have three hearts and their blood is blue.
I don’t know whether to attempt a poem about this or try an undersea crime piece about a vulgaris private-eye who falls in love with the society Octopoda who hired him to find out who turned her beloved father into sushi:
“Hold me! Hold me in all your arms until we drift someplace far away from here . . .”
“I’m no good for you, Cirrina. I’m from the wrong side of the genus.”
“Forget about all that, Sam! Your blood is as blue as mine . . . “
How do you make a baby octopus laugh?
Slightly More Adult Joke**
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that he’ll bet anyone $50 that this octopus can play any musical instrument.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Kirk Hammett and the guitarist pays up. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong, so that man pays up. Everyone else who tries to stump the octopus loses fifty bucks—it can play everything.
Finally, a Scotsman walks up with a set of bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with them for a minute before putting them down with a confused look.
“Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play them?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to mate with it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”
I can’t decide whether this is obscene or just really, really cool:
Maybe both? But I’m fascinated with the way it blooms into its own colors.
*The plural, or so I’m told, isn’t octopi—supposedly, that word came into use because several people mistakenly thought octopus was one of those Latin words that declench, or whatever it is Latin words do, squeezing -us into -i in the process—which to my unsophisticated mind seems a bit backwards when I am clearly fewer than us. But it isn’t one of those. And as someone once told me, why would you ever give up the opportunity to say octopuses in public, anyway?
**I said adult, not mature.
23 thoughts on “Random Thursday: Silly Cephalopods”
Thanks, Bobbi! 🙂
I tried to test the jokes on my family, but they threw things at me after the first one.
One of my favorite words ever… cephalopod. Any time my kids ask me to do more than one task at a time, I answer, “Do I look like a cephalopod?”
And that baby? So cute!!!!
I’m stealing that, MSB!
Isn’t he adorable? I want one . . . but I hear they’re even more trouble than human kids.
Okay, the beer bottle video made me laugh even more than the bagpipe joke 🙂
A woman after my own off-color mind . . . 😀
I always loved octopuses until the other day when my daughter came home and told me they had a beak. The idea of this creature hiding underneath all of its awesome arms, a beak, freaks me out.
However the three hearts and the idea that they could be a variant race of Time Lord, well, that almost makes up for it.
They’re better than Time Lords, Lyra! 😀
And—get this—there’s a Hawaiian myth that says the universe has been built up and torn down several times to get to ours, and the octopus is the only survivor from the last universe . . . How cool is that?
Sarah…do you see a book about this?? Not as a Hawaiian myth, but rather that as the jumping off point? With the octopuses as the top of the food chain? Oh man…
The more I comment over here the more I think dystopian sci fi realism (yes, new category…what Dewey number would that be) is my calling…
I’m seeing books in everything right now, which is a sign I’d better get my current projects done quickly before I shipwreck myself.
And I think your dystopian octopus book would be SF Nel, Lyra. Go for it! 😀
“Octopi” isn’t correct?? Say it isn’t so! Oh well. As much as I love the word “octopi,” “octupuses” is pretty cool too.
I adore octopi/octopuses. This entire post made my day! I’m partial to the Hamlet octopus and the ten-tickles joke. 🙂
I think octopi sounds more elegant, but tomatus/tomati, right? 😀
I’m glad you enjoyed all this, Laura — these guys and ducks vie for second place in my list of favorite animals.
“Mate with it?” You know I’d have said THAT differently on the smut blog!
I love the octopuses, the’re beautiful in motion. And the wise-eyes are trippy.
I thought of asking for a octopus porn guest post, but thought it was easier to change one word . . . Did I ever tell you my dirty penguin joke?
No! My flippers are all a-quiver.
Check your e-mail. And remember, you asked for it!
I had no idea there was so much good octopus humor out there! I really need to get out and live a little.
Thanks for the laughs! Now I have to explain to that guy who just walked by why I was snorting.
I’m not sure going out and living is the best way to encounter octopus humor, Lisa. 🙂
(how’s the job going?)
I didn’t know you had a thing for octopuses (that word is verging on naughty…). But you definitely have a thing for them. The fact that you made a complete and varied Random Thursday based off of them is impressive all on its own. The fact that it was quality material is just as amazing as the fact that you made it more than palpable when I am totally freaked by these tentacled creatures. *shiver*
Come to the octopus side, Lisa! We’re squishy!
My first impulse was to laugh, but then I contemplated the combination of tentacles and a Scotsman and I immediately thought of the Ood and David Tennant, and so now I’m just sitting here sighing…
Um . . . You’re welcome? I think?