There’s no real reason for any of this, except I like octopuses* and it’s my blog.
Soliloquy Octopus Hams it Up
What does Sir Octopus wear when it gets cold?
A coat of arms.
Octopuses have three hearts and their blood is blue.
I don’t know whether to attempt a poem about this or try an undersea crime piece about a vulgaris private-eye who falls in love with the society Octopoda who hired him to find out who turned her beloved father into sushi:
“Hold me! Hold me in all your arms until we drift someplace far away from here . . .”
“I’m no good for you, Cirrina. I’m from the wrong side of the genus.”
“Forget about all that, Sam! Your blood is as blue as mine . . . “
How do you make a baby octopus laugh?
Slightly More Adult Joke**
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Kirk Hammett and the guitarist pays up. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong, so that man pays up. Everyone else who tries to stump the octopus loses fifty bucks—it can play everything.
Finally, a Scotsman walks up with a set of bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with them for a minute before putting them down with a confused look.
“Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play them?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to mate with it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”
I can’t decide whether this is obscene or just really, really cool:
Maybe both? But I’m fascinated with the way it blooms into its own colors.
*The plural, or so I’m told, isn’t octopi—supposedly, that word came into use because several people mistakenly thought octopus was one of those Latin words that declench, or whatever it is Latin words do, squeezing -us into -i in the process—which to my unsophisticated mind seems a bit backwards when I am clearly fewer than us. But it isn’t one of those. And as someone once told me, why would you ever give up the opportunity to say octopuses in public, anyway?
**I said adult, not mature.