Stuff My Kids Said*: Kisses and Canine Rituals

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This past Sunday, it was announced that our church is having a blessing of the animals service later this month and all furry, scaled, and feathered family members were invited to “partake of the sacramental blessing.”

My kids were hoping that they could take Watson’s Jada Mae Swissie Dog instead of a photo of our venerable cat Toby.**

When we arrived home, I sent Janie downstairs to ask my MIL and Watson what they wanted for lunch.

A few minutes later, Watson came upstairs with a strange expression and said, “Do you know what your older daughter just said to me?”

I covered my eyes.  “Hit me.”

“She said, ‘I have two questions:  One, where do you and grandma want to go for lunch?*** And two, can Sunny and I take your dog to church and sacrifice her?'”


Sunny is a huggybug, but she’s very persnickety about kisses, preferring to receive dry butterfly ones to her cheek and wiping off most of them with a sleeve and an offended little nose wrinkle.

Last night, when I kissed her goodnight as dryly as I could and she said, “MOM-meee! Yuck,” and immediately scrubbed it away with the cuff of her pink princess monkey jammies.

So, naturally,  I did what any other loving mother would do.

“You think that one was bad?” I said, pouncing and delivering  several loud, smacking smooches all over her little face, ignoring the squeals and giggles.

“There,” I said and went over to kiss Janie.

“Don’t worry,” I told her.  “You’ve been a pretty good kid today, so you only get one.”

“I don’t mind, Mom,” she said.  “I don’t think your kisses are yucky.”

There was a pause.

“I got more,” said Sunny.

“What?  You don’t even like them,” I said.

“Well . . . I still got more than she did.”‘



*Sorry, Laura—I couldn’t resist.

** Who isn’t a particularly mellow animal when he’s taken out of his home environment—and this about blessings, not exorcisms.

***Please note that my original question about lunch didn’t imply a restaurant setting.  Please further note that the question my child actually asked did.  That the answer to that question netted me my Fortune Cookie Breakfast the next day has no bearing on this matter.


16 thoughts on “Stuff My Kids Said*: Kisses and Canine Rituals

  1. I find Sunny’s persnickitiness regarding smooches amusing, considering the current fad (read: obsession) with blowing farts on various body parts.

  2. It’s always better to get more than your sibling, no matter what it is. Yeah, even punishments. I don’t know why. Stupid competition…

  3. My kids are ridiculously competitive. Lately they’ve taken to taunting cemeteries that we pass when we’re out driving. “Na na na na na. You’re dead and we’re alive,” they chant. It’s so, unbelievably, wrong.

  4. Ha! Sacrificing animals, that is priceless.
    My older son is anti-kisses of any sort which led to his enlightened mother to announce each time he wiped one off, “Oh good, I was hoping you’d wipe it in! Now you can really feel the love.” The kid’s head would explode every time.
    The same boy got a mini video camera thingy for christmas. Tonight he had it out, set up in the hallway to document any ghost action. I saw it sitting on the floor so grabbed my husband and did our loudest smooching about an inch from the lens. When he retrieved his ghost footage and saw the sabotage he was laughing too hard to be as angry as he really felt he should be about the injustice. Do you think they’ll call child services?

    • I usually tell my kids, eyelashes fluttering, that they can’t wipe off the luuuuve, to much the same effect (“Hurk! Moo-ooom!”)

      If your kids call Child Services, the rest of us don’t stand a chance, Lyra. 🙂

  5. Adorable! I wish I would have journaled when my kids were young (no such thing as a blog back then). I did take a few notes though, and came across this one just the other day:

    Jorden’s first pickup line to a cute, older girl (at age three): “I’m almost potty-trained!”

    He didn’t have a lot of success with that one.

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