Have a WIP, an EIP, an MS, or a published work you want to share on your blog,
eight sentences at a time?
Want to sample other people’s WIPs, EIPs, MSs, or published works,
eight sentences at a time?
Be a Weekend Writing Warrior!
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I’m skipping over a description of Charlie’s apartment (sort of Literate Bachelor Chic) in favor of Clyota’s recap of current events.
I may back up next week, since I also skipped a partial explanation of why Librarians are armed to the teeth in this alternate timeline and also a cat, but I want to go over it again to make sure it makes sense—because y’all won’t let me get away with anything around here.
Plus this bit fit nicely into eight sentences, so here ’tis:
I told him about the Lieutenant’s messages, his death, my arrest and release—the whole thing, except for an embarrassing personal reaction or two—until I came to the part about checking into the Holiday Inn.
I stopped and looked at Reynard, who had been recording my recitation from several angles without interruption.
“Don’t stop at a closed hotel room door,” said Charlie, an edge to his voice. “That’s such a cliché.”
“This next part isn’t mine to tell. We can skip over it,” I added to Reynard. “Your call.”
The lens turned its focus to Charlie, who focused back.
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Earful of Cider 
Nice! Love this: ““This next part isn’t mine to tell. We can skip over it,” I added to Reynard. “Your call.””
Good post 🙂
Thanks, Teresa. 🙂
I’ll admit that line’s got me intrigued. Makes me wonder what happened! Nice snippet!
Glad it worked, Joanne!
I like the way she has passed the buck on whatever happened in the hotel room.
it’s not so much passing the buck as starting to respect Reynard, which is something Clyota never thought she’d do . . .
HA! The Holiday Inn reference was funny. I want to make sure I have this right in remembering the previous weeks. Charlie is a librarian, Reynard is one of the hounding reporters to whom Clyota’s telling her story. Both Charlie and Reynard are cyborgs. Am I correct? I like the way you say “focused” instead of looked or similar words. It reinforces the cyborg aspect of the characters. Do we see next week what Charlie says about all of this? Please do touch on why librarians are armed. I’d be interested in that as it would add to the image of the librarian itself. Good snippet!
Charlie isn’t a cyborg, but other than that, yep!
I’ll try to explain the timeline next week—it’ll help me keep it straight.
The dialogue here is great…nice and tense and suggestive.
Thanks, Eleri. 🙂
Your writing is so wickedly clever. I especially liked the “embarrassing personal reaction or two.” LOVE your voice!
Thank you, Sarah—what a great compliment! 🙂
Very nicely done and love the dialogue. Loved it. 🙂
Thanks, Brenda—I’ve been tinkering with my dialogue lately.
Fantastic snippet. Yup don’t stop at a closed hotel room door. 😉
Not these days, anyway, Ryan. 😉
You have such a fun way with dialogue.
Thanks, Carrie! I don’t have your flair, but I try . . .
If it’s not hers to tell then it’s probably not what we’d think. Great eight. Though I’d love to have read a description of Literary Bachelor Chic. 😉
Probably not, Kate . . .
Think books and beige and a bit of irony on the ‘chic’ part.
I love this story, can’t wait to read the new excerpt each week! So I’m still highly intrigued what happened that she can’t tell…terrific snippet!
Wow, thanks, Veronica! 😀
So now we’re dying to know what happened in the motel room.
Not what I hope you think Charlie’s thinking, Elaine. Or something . . . 😀
I like the response to the machine(lens).
Nice 8!
Thanks!
Okay, that line makes me want to know what happened. lol
Good! The reader will know at this point, but Charlie won’t . . . 😉
I want to know more about the part that isn’t theirs to tell, and why the librarians are armed. *sigh* I’m not a very patient person.
The short story is that I was having a bad day at work and decided librarians should strike back . . . the story’s story will, I hope, be posted next week. . .
Sounds like there’s more going on than she’d prefer to admit. Nicely done. I’m intrigued about the death of the Lieutenant. 🙂
That’s a fair assessment, Siobhan! 🙂
The LT was Clyota’s mother’s co-pilot. He was on Io when her mother was killed after allegedly suffocating an entire Moonbase.
Clyota’s Security System killed him on her doorstep, while delivering a lockbox that her mother entrusted to him . . .
I want to know why the librarians are armed, too.
Let’s hope my world-building passes your muster, Sue Ann—that’s why I need another week . . . 🙂
I want to know what happened in the hotel room.
Secrets were revealed . . . verbally. 😉
I’d never have believed eight sentences is enough to intrigue, but there, you’ve done it.
Thanks. 🙂
SO MANY QUESTIONS! This is great at hooking my curiosity, and the dialogue and behaviors seem so natural and realistic, awesome 8!!
Thanks, AJ! I’m loving your mythos, by the way.
I loved the bit of edge that they gave Charlie. A slight misunderstanding and a clever retort with bite always makes for a fantastic scene. And you’re right–this fits nicely into 8 sentences. Gosh, my two favorite guys in one scene. Heaven. 🙂
Heaven for you, uncomfortable for Cly. 😉
Thanks, Lisa—and thanks for sharing Nation this week. I love it!