Things I Learned Today

Electric Kettle

— Electric kettles are perfect for people who have trouble boiling water for caffeine before caffeine. Supposing, of course, that they remember to plug them in before kvetching about how long it’s taking . . .

— Sugarfree caramel syrup makes coffee smell great and taste weird.

— If you have start the day a little earlier than usual, at a place you’ve never been that’s twice as far as you usually commute, you’d better allow time for slow drivers, red lights, trains, and well-hidden entrances. And you’ll forget to clock in, anyway.

— Teaching CPR is a lot of fun when the students volunteered to take it. And it’s tougher on the feet than one might think.

— Blueberry doughnuts are wrong.

— Everyone has problems striking the back of a ‘choking’ infant CPR dummy hard enough to do any good. Except, for some reason, female police officers and librarians. We don’t know why, either.

Wild Librarian— The number of library patrons and the complexity of their requests is directly proportional to the number of library staff who are on vacation, sick, or exhausted from teaching a CPR class.

— If you’re wearing pale colors, you will be changing the loose toner bottles in the ancient, incontinent microfilm reader/printer.

— The nicest patrons in the world are the most exhausting because we want to help them when they ask, so they keep asking.

— According to Herodotus, Cleopatra could speak Troglodyte, which was apparently not the language spoken by small fossilized bugs—according to my friend Grace, those are trilobites—but a rather large tribe of cave dwellers.ย  Who knew?

— Writer’s block disappears when there’s a million other things you have to get done.

— If you chew enough gum, your ears start to hurt. A lot.

— Jalisa Blackman finds the strangest music videos. And covers.

See Hear Speak— The First Sign of Spring isn’t flowers or birds or bees, it’s the number of patrons who forget that a public library isn’t a suitable place to access images and videos of young(ish) naked people performing. . . fertility rites on each other.

— Brain bleach doesn’t exist.ย  I’ve looked

— If you forget to write a decent, thoughtful post until late in the day because you’re too busy catching up on Mock the Week messing with GoogleMaps playing Plants vs. Zombies waiting for the unplugged kettle to boil writing and editing, you can always make up a list. No one will notice the difference.


22 thoughts on “Things I Learned Today

  1. You know, I had the very same reaction to sugar free caramel glop in my coffee! And the language-bug thing? I was having a conversation about trichinosis (an infection caused by round worm in animals), but kept replacing the word with trichomonia which apparently, is an STD. And I swore my friend’s dog had it.

    • I’m happy to say that I’ve never confused trichinosis and trichomonia in my life, Deb. Possibly because I never knew either existed. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. We totally notice the difference. You slacker, you.

    What’s wrong with a blueberry doughnut, and how can it possibly be worse than Portland’s own bacon doughnut from Voodoo?

    • Wow, MSB—that’s some serious nerve pressure.

      Funny isn’t it? The kneebone may be connected to the thighbone, but the jawbone is apparently connected to everything.

  3. Ha! Love it. I become deeply distressed/enraged/sob-full when I realize I haven’t flipped my electric kettle’s “on” switch. Speaking of on switches — I’m mystified that people still attempt to access porn in libraries. Also, CPR is hard work. I worked up a sweat in about 20 seconds during my training recently, which made me more concerned for my own health than that of the dummy I was saving.

    • I was once told by a patron that we should have a ‘special room’ for adults who wanted to look at adult-oriented sites on the Internet. Can you imagine applying for that grant?

      CPR is amazingly hard work, and really, really tough on the knees. So worth it, though! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Donuts. Donuts. Donuts. Donuts.

    Can you tell I’ve been low-carbing it for far too long?

    I’ll bet they have donuts at MWW. Screw the informative writing sessions. I’ll be hanging out at the continental breakfast bar.

  5. I’m just honored to be included in a TIL list made by none other than Sarah. Pretty wicked. Also, I would not have tried blueberry donuts, anyway, but now I really won’t. On the other hand, I recently discovered that blueberry muffins can be heavenly when made well.

    And for what it’s worth, I’ll read whatever you post–it’s always worth the read. ๐Ÿ™‚

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