Have a WIP, an EIP, an MS, or a published work you want to share on your blog, eight sentences at a time?
Want to sample other people’s WIPs, EIPs, MSs, or published works, eight sentences at a time?
Be a Weekend Writing Warrior!
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I’m skipping ahead for reasons of editorial necessity—you could imagine orange traffic cones and person in a bright yellow tabard thingie holding a GO SLOW, GET IT RIGHT sign on a stick, if you like.
It’s too bad. Y’all missed a pretty good kiss.
So Clyota is now waiting in the Courthouse for her trial to begin . . . And it’s already been a fraught morning.
I sat on a padded bench along one wall, my back so rigid it ached.
The waiting room was cleaner and more comfortable than the corridor I had been shuttled through during my arraignment, but still had the same—not a smell, exactly, but maybe scent or sense of tension and anticipation, anxiety mixed with hope. I had set my beret to one side so I wouldn’t mangle it with nervous hands, but I couldn’t seem to stop petting it, like it was a small pet I needed to calm.
Charlie was talking to Reynard across the room, hands behind him in an easy parade rest. His dress grays were a perfect fit, I noticed, particularly across the shoulders, and around his hips—but I wasn’t going to think about that, since I had several hours of sheer stress to get through and if I didn’t relax soon, I was going to explode into a million little pieces the minute my rear hit the defendant’s chair.
The dead bodies in Charlie’s living room didn’t help.
I’d woken up early, too early, and had headed for the kitchen unit, hoping that a little breakfast—maybe some toast and tea—would settle the nerves that were already beginning to twitch.
Instead, I’d found Reynard standing over a dead man wearing a badly fitting business suit, preparing to remove his knife from just above the fat knot of the generically striped tie.
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Photo credit: bjohnson, who actually has nice taste in ties.
Wow. The dead bodies didn’t help? That’s an understatement if I’ve ever seen one. I like your description of anxiety mixed with hope. So apt for a difficult situation.
Thanks, Ana! 🙂
“…but I couldn’t seem to stop petting it, like it was a small pet I needed to calm.” Nice! Great snippet, Sarah 🙂 Well done 🙂
I wish I hadn’t repeated ‘pet,’ but I can fix that!
Thanks, Teresa. 🙂
I was going to mention that…but you are so right, easy to fix!
The precise description of the smells and feel of the waiting room after the mention of the place of arraignment really adds tension to this scene. Then the added dead body turns it into a definite must read more. 😀
Thanks! I might explain things next week, if anyone’s interested—and I can fit it into 8 sentences… 🙂
I can see why she is stressed, it seems to be the smell of her own fear filling the waiting room.
Could be, Linda! 🙂
Loved the part about the beret and then when you added how great Charlie looks in his dress grays (pause a moment to properly appreciate that vision) and THEN dead bodies…wow. So an amazing excerpt all together!
Believe me, Charlie looks terrific. 😀
The bodies, not so much…
Wow. What a fabulous 8. The description is wonderful. I can envision it clearly in my head as well as get a sense of what he’s feeling. Great job!
Thanks, Anne! 🙂
Your character comes up off the page with a personality. great job.
~Summer
My Blog
Thank you, Summer. 🙂
Awesome snippet. And, yeah, waking up to a dead body in the living room wouldn’t exactly get my day off to a good start, either. So,who was the man in the business suit and why is he dead?
Well, he’s dead because Reynard is very good with knives… The rest should probably wait until next week. 😀
There’s a lot to love here, tension, descriptions, mystery. Well done.
Thank you—I’m still a little iffy about flashbacks, so I’m glad you think it worked!
I love the visuals in this, and the emotional state of mind. I also love the matter-of-fact, understated comment about how the dead bodies don’t help.
Thanks, Carrie-Anne. I think Cly’s had just about enough shocks for one day. 🙂
No wonder she’s tense!
Yeah, at this point a masseuse would probably break his fingers on her shoulders. 🙂
Okay, I did not see the dead body coming! Great sucker punch after a tense build-up. Well done!
Really? Cool, thanks, Linda!
I love it when a writer brings in smells, they’re so evocative of the place, situation, mood. The tension is palpable. The description of dress makes for good visual. Didn’t expect the dead body with the knife in the tie. Good job.
Courtrooms do smell different—they always put me on edge, even when I’m just taking a tour.
Exciting snippet! That’s definitely not what you’d want to see first thing in the morning. And then you have a big trial ahead too. Interesting 8!
Not before coffee, no. 😉 Thanks, Frank!
Well, yeah, way to leave us hanging! Dead body in the living room…Holy smokes!
Serves most of you right—is this cliffhanger day, or what? 😀
So the new dead body is just one of many? I can understand why Clyota might be a little bit nervous. Also, I love the description “the dead man wearing a badly fitting business suit.”
Well, one of two, and woefully unprepared for an armed Pressman. Come to think about it, they’re probably unprepared for two trained librarians . . . I should fix that, maybe.
Holy…WHAT? This is fabulous. Great descriptions, awesome twists, and so thick and vivid I can absolutely touch it. You rocked it!
Thanks, Sarah! I really appreciate that. 🙂
Well done Sarah! That was a great snippet. I get then sense of where she is, how she feels, and then WHAM dead body on the floor. Man oh man, talk about stress overload!
History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders
You should know from stress overload, Cindy—thanks! 🙂
Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Thanks, Willa. 🙂
Oh, wow! I could really feel the tension in the character. Well done!