1. Is is a moral failing to skip breakfast? Even if the children don’t notice? Or care?
2. Why do children hate brushing their teeth? Is it because they enjoy have breath that could knock a buzzard off a compost pile?
3. Speaking of moral failings, does making the bed each and every morning, really, in the grand and ineffable scheme of things, matter?
4. If my picky-eating-six-year old means it when she claims she’s finally tired of peanut butter, should I be experiencing a sense of freedom . . . or dread?
5. Where in the name of all that is holy and fragrant is the cat pooping, and why can’t I find any evidence—other than his visible health and smug disposition—that he is ?
6. Does this tickle in my throat justify taking the day off tomorrow to sleep/write? Or, if I’m lucky, write/sleep?
7. Why doesn’t the whole US just go ahead and switch to a “minimum speed” system, since that’s what the majority of drivers think “speed limit” means, anyway?
8. Why, on the day when our department is holding our annual Volunteer Appreciation Open House, are all the other drivers in front of me not driving the flippin’ speed limit?
9. Is #8 ironic, hypocritical, or another moral failing?
10. Why, if I know that I’ll finally be hungry for breakfast around 8:45, do I not pack something to eat at 8:45, instead of grubbing for change in my desk drawers and trying to trick my stomach into silence with sugarless gum?
11. When the big staff percolator sings like an uninvited hound dog during a student strings recital, does that mean it’s happy, kvetching about the quality of the grounds, or foretelling our doom?
12. Is death by Christmas cookie overdose possible, and if so, does it happen during or, you know, after?
13. Why do I keep thinking Tuesday was yesterday, even though I know today is Tuesday?
14. Is it a moral failing that I think I might risk a Christmas cookie overdose, depending on the answer to #12?
15. Are there any peanut butter cookies left?