You know those personality quizzes that invite you to discover what color/tv actor/superhero/Disney princess/Supreme Court Justice you are by asking you whether you’d pay for your pizza with cash or write a check?
They’re everywhere. You can’t go on Facebook these days without finding out that your friends are channeling Mae West, Charizard, and/or Benjamin Disraeli.
And I’m not immune, even if the questions ar either completely obvious (“Would you tell the cute person at the bar to ‘Come up sometime and see me‘ or ‘Action my not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action‘?”) or weird as snake shoes—though that might be the Charizard coming through.
Because who among us wouldn’t want to know more about their fundamental, core personality, as exemplified by the Muppet who would also thrash to Martin Garrix at the club and spend the weekend reading Proust to his or her avocado plant?
So, according to the finest free psychological analysis methods currently available online, here’s me in a couple of nutshells—pecan, apparently, if you’re wondering:
**So far so good, except for the calm, the peaceful and the outdoors part. But my favorite color is green.**
“You are basically good. Overcoming selfish desires or cruel ways, you focus on doing the right thing, when possible, and acting in a way to benefit everyone. You recognize your human weaknesses and imperfections, and are able to respond to them in well-balanced ways. You are clever and analytical. You think about various angles of something, and you calculate the best way to achieve goals.
Kind, generous, and even motherly, Wendy serves as the only mother the Lost Boys have ever known. Strong willed, still, but ready for adventure, Wendy is both child and woman, and slowly bridging the gap in her own life. She is quick-witted and can come up with new ways of helping the situation along, often in ways that had never be thought of before.”
**You forgot “questionable taste in boyfriends”. But the rest is flattering, so I’ll take it.**
“You are Anna Smith, head housemaid of Downton. You are basically the best employee ever. Competent, practical and tough, you can handle anything life throws at you — whether it’s rude colleagues, secretive romantic partners or surprise dead bodies in the workplace. Your kindness and loyalty are to be admired, and that Bates fellow should really recognize what a catch you are.”
**I don’t watch the show (gasp!) but I do know that if I didn’t turn up as Lady Violet, I’m ahead of the game.**
(Avenger , take one)
“Defender of liberty and fair play! Drinker of milk! You like to live by the rules and are a straight up person.”
**Um . . . maybe we should try another version of this quiz. ‘Cause I love archery waaay more than Frisbee golf, and I’m mildly lactose intolerant.**
**Hard work which I’ll try to trick a hobbit into doing, thus getting my whole party captured by trolls and then—wait.
“Young” you said? Okay.**
“You are a natural-born leader, even though you carry a heavy heart. Due to your authority, you can be viewed as uptight and a goody-two-shoes, but regardless of what others think, you always do what you believe is right. When things heat up, you’re the voice of reason. And you’re always willing to take one for the team.”
**Look, if I’m going to be accused of having authority over anything—much speaking the voice of reason, and y’all can stop laughing right now—I wanna be Coulson.**
(Classical Character — female)
“A strong woman, you can achieve almost anything if you put your mind to it. You inspire loyalty and confidence in others and are generous to those in need. However, you can be overly sensitive and find rejection difficult to handle.”
(Classical Character — male)
“You’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders but sometimes you just need to focus on the task at hand and stop moaning! Sometimes your relentless drive can make you seem cold-hearted but you are compassionate and a selfless leader.”
**Hmmm . . . Not bad.**
“Your selflessness may keep you from ever realizing your dreams, but you’ll find your life is quite rewarding nonetheless.”
**It doesn’t really worry me that I’m 79% compatible with George Bailey. But it’s slightly disturbing that I’m 75% compatible with Charles Foster “Citizen” Kane.**
“A stern yet benevolent organizer who often knows best, your wits are keenly fixed on aiding efforts you deem worthy.”
**Oh, sheesh, you mean I’m going to almost ruin my daughter’s happiness by lying to her about the man she loves?
This . . . isn’t good.
But I guess if I didn’t score a Denethor on the parental scale, there’s still hope.**
**Feeling MUCH better now.**
**Are you kidding me? No. Just . . . No.**
“You’re awkward and clumsy and hate being the center of attention. But you’re brave and big-hearted and people can always trust you to help them out in a bad situation.”
**NOW, we’re talking.**
Well . . . there are certainly no patterns of self-sacrifice and poor relationship decisions here.
If you’ll excuse me, I have to go talk my avocado into skipping chapter seven of Sodom and Gomorrah . . .
Let Me know who you are in the comments!
Images belong to the respective quiz websites, or were located via Wikimedia Commons and are either under public domain or GNU Free Documentation License.