Weekend Writing Warriors: Odd Duck (Two-Natured)

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Last week, a large man with notable physical characteristics walked into Tom Mahon’s detective agency, and asked if Bryan Mahon was his brother.

Tom cautiously admitted it, while sliding a hand into his open desk drawer.

Barring two sentences, here’s what happens next.

YinYang

He frowned. “You’re two-natured.”

That was the west coast way of putting it; he was a long way from home. “Aren’t we all?”

“But you’re not pack.” He inhaled. “You’re prey.

I had my Glock out and aimed before he could take a step.

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I realized as I was choosing this week’s (brief) passage that I’m using a lot of short sentences in this story.

As many of you know, this isn’t my usual style (“Sarah, honey, is that a sentence or a paragraph? Melville went out of style for a reason, y’know.”), but Tom’s voice isn’t my usual, either.

I kind of like it.

 

 

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43 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors: Odd Duck (Two-Natured)

  1. I’m really liking this. It raised a lot of questions for me to ponder. And, I find myself writing each line with more brevity as I go along as well. It definitely fits in with the tension in this scene.

    • Thanks, Millie.

      I think this character might get a little more lyrical when he’s relaxed, but that hasn’t happened, yet, so I’m not sure. πŸ˜‰

  2. Yeah, if someone says “prey” to me, I’d have my Glock out, too. Great snippet, Sarah. πŸ˜€

    • Thank you, Veronica! πŸ™‚

      This is turning into quite the class system spiderweb, actually—though if there are werespiders, I don’t want to know about it. At all.

    • Really? Excellent! I’m not trying to imitate him, but he (and Hammett) did set a pretty influential benchmark.

      Thanks, Charley! πŸ™‚

  3. It’s smart of him to have a gun on hand, now he just has to convince this guy to chill.

    I like the use of two-natured, by the way, it’s one of the cool words for shifters. πŸ™‚

  4. The short sentences work well.
    My gosh, that is a threatening statement, “You’re prey” Very good, quick reaction and with all of the heightened tension.

  5. It is always refreshing to try something different, isn’t it? I think the shorties work well. The dialogue tells it all!

    (Don’t mind me I’m still working on last week. Too much canning/freezing going on. )

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