Have a WIP, an EIP, an MS, or a published work you want to share on your blog, eight sentences at a time?
Want to sample other people’s WIPs, EIPs, MSs, or published works, eight sentences at a time?
Be a Weekend Writing Warrior!
_______________________
This bit follows directly from last week’s, when Talbot City cop Janet Kyle questioned—with a touch of longsuffering sarcasm—our hero Tom’s claims of self-defense in the pitching of a werewolf out of his detective agency’s fifth-story window, as Tom’s partner Turner was the one who actually competed in the wolftoss event.
Tom doesn’t quite give her a straight answer, but he does (I hope) get his point across.
“I had to call my sister,” I said, meeting her sharp green eyes.
She studied me. Kyle was all human, but she didn’t need enhanced senses to read people. “So, not an upset client,” she said. “Or the husband of one of Turner’s playmates.”
“One time that happened,” he muttered.
“My brother ticked someone off,” I said. “They decided to fire a warning shot at him through me.”
_______________________
Turner, I love him.
I have this whole mental backstory about Turner and Tom meeting in Basic: Turner sees a photo of Jackie and makes a comment about her attractiveness, not knowing that she was Tom’s sister (not that it would be any more appropriate if she wasn’t, of course, but it might have disturbed Tom a little less). Despite this, they become friends.
And then they arrive in the Middle East and bad stuff happens (the specifics of which may show up on page someday, so never mind), and Turner finds out in various ungentle ways that Weres exist and his pal Tom is, in fact, a wereduck.
Turner’s reaction to all this, once he’s allowed a brief pause in which to reflect?
“One question.”
“Yeah?”
“Is your sister single?”
Speaking of relevant questions and answers: Did the use of “mutter” in Turner’s dialogue tag bug you? Why? Why not?
Earful of Cider 
““They decided to fire a warning shot at him through me.””
Love it. Well done, Sarah!
Thanks, Chip!
I’m experimenting with different ways of explaining the situation before I’m finally forced to resort to, “I explained the situation to [other character].” 😀
The word “mutter” worked pretty well here, I think, Sarah. I’d leave it. I might change the phrase to be “That happened one time.” But leave the muttering. 😀 Great snippet, Chip’s right. That last line is awesome.
Good. And hmmm (she muttered, thoughtfully, knowing full well adverbs were verboten).
And thanks, Siobhan! 😀
As usual, I love your snippets and I personally like muttered. Can make me visualize/hear the whole thing in my head.
Thanks, Millie!
No trouble with my warrior links this morning, I hope? 🙂
The last line…wow. Love the snippet this week.
Thanks, Cecilia!
Congrats on your new release! 🙂
Yeah, through him, and that was a very bad idea. But I’m not sure it’ll stay at that, it’s a bit scary.
It’s only the beginning, Linda. 🙂
Thanks!
I like the last line. 😀 Harsh that they warn him through someone else.
I have this idea that they thought his brother might show up at Tom’s funeral . . .
Hey, I should use that!
Thanks, Frank. 🙂
Love this snippet. I think muttered works perfectly.
Thanks, Emmy! 🙂
“Mutter” was fine with me in this case. I’m thoroughly enjoying the story and want more of course. Great 8!
Good! Thank you, Veronica!
And great interview over at Chip’s place!
Great scene as always! Mutter was perfect here I thought because that is exactly what he did, speaking in low almost inaudible tones. I saw it exactly like that, which it may not have had you used said.
http://historysleuth.blogspot.com/2014/09/milk-carton-murders-39.html
Thanks, Cindy!
I tend to use said and ask for everything, but sometimes I like a good volume-based dialogue tag. But then I worry. 🙂
I love “mutter.” And I love this snippet — this whole story, actually.
Thanks, Paula! 🙂
Did you say you were doing Nanowrimo this year? Are you going to get started on Sanguine’s sequel? (she asks, giving you puppy eyes)
Lots of good ingredients in this snippet. Pile them on. I so enjoy a werewolf thrown out of a window.
Excellent! Thanks, Charmaine!
They can achieve remarkable trajectories, yes. 😀
I like Turner’s mutter. Defending the indefensible under his breath. Great line.
Exactly, Gem! Thanks! 😀
In his defense, I doubt he knew she was married . . . Probably.
Nice snippet and I like the mutter–much more specific than “said.”
Thanks, Nancy! 🙂
Another vote in favor of “mutter”–I could hear him grumbling, half under his breath. Nice. 🙂
I’m stuck on your three lines of dialogue from the backstory, though. LOVE! *lol*
The mutters have it! 🙂
Thanks, Charley!
Yeah, Turner doesn’t really have a one track mind, but all his trains eventually go through the same station. 😀
I liked the mutter part, and I laughed about the wereduck.
Thanks, Elaine! 🙂
Yeah, even Tom knows wereducks are inherently funny—he tries to keep it under wraps as much as possible.
I love this story. Another fabulous snippet that keeps me hooked;). I didn’t mind the mutter, but the sister came a little bit out of the left field. Is she mentioned between snippets?
Thanks, Tina! 🙂
Jackie, Tom’s sister, was actually in a snippet a few Sundays ago—I think I called it “Burning Bright”—, which gave a little of the phone call Tom mentions above. She’s also mentioned between snippets before that. So no continuity worries, for once! 😀
Loved the snippet. I would leave mutter there. It only added to the scene. 🙂 Well done!
Thanks, Karen! Mutter seems to be the favorite! 🙂
Yep–agree that mutter is perfect for that sentence. You have great characters. You have a gift when it comes to injecting humor into them. Snarky or straight-guy, they are wonderful. 🙂 Good 8
Thank you, Teresa! 🙂
One time is really one time too many, isn’t it, when it comes to irate spousal rampages?
I’m sure I wouldn’t know, Caitlin. 😀
Enjoyed it all, including the mutter.
Love love love that last line. Great bit of banter.
Thanks, Jeff! 🙂
I love your fun, witty dialogue.
I don’t have an issue with “mutter” as a speaking verb. A lot of modern writers seem afraid or unwilling to use any speaking verbs beyond “ask” or “said.” Just because they were possibly overused in the past doesn’t mean they’re verboten today!