The Cast:
Sunny . . . . . . . . . an eight year-old
Jane . . . . . . . . . . a twelve year-old
My Husband . . . their father
My MIL . . . . . . . their grandmother
Me . . . . . . . . . . . . the mime (I assume)
_____________
ACT ONE:
Last Night
Sunny: “It’s Picture Day tomorrow! I’m going to wear my new pink dress!”
Me: “Good idea! Do you have clean tights for it?”
Sunny: “Yes, Mommy.”
Me: “Go make sure. If you need something washed, bring it to me and I’ll wash it right now.”
Sunny (running off): “Okay!”
Me: “Jane? What are you wearing tomorrow for Picture Day?”
Jane (poking at her 2DS with the stylus): “No idea.”
Me: “How about your blue sweater with the tank underneath?”
Jane: “I guess.”
Me: “Or that lace wrap you bought that looks so good over your blue top?”
Jane: “I guess.”
Me: “Why don’t you go figure it out. If you need any laundry done, let me know.”
Jane (wandering off, still poking): “Okay.”
ACT TWO:
This morning
Sunny: “Mommy! Where are my tights?”
Me: “You don’t have any?”
Sunny: “You said you would wash them!”
Me: “You didn’t give them to me.”
Sunny: “Yes, I did. The pink ones!”
Me: “The ones next to your fish tank? The ones you didn’t give to me?”
Sunny: “I thought you would see them there.”
Me: “. . .”
Sunny: “Can I wear these ones instead?”
Me: “Good idea. Jane? Are you dressed, yet?”
Jane: “Yeah.”
Me: “You’re wearing a tee-shirt for Picture day?”
Jane: “What wrong with it?”
Me: “Nothing. You just usually like to dress up.”
Jane (shrugging): “Everything I wanted to wear is dirty.”
Me: “I told you I’d wash whatever you wanted.”
Jane (shrugging): “I didn’t know what I wanted.”
Me: “Are you wearing a bra?”
Jane: “YES, Mom, I’m . . . Oh. Be right back.”
Sunny: “AAARRGGHHH!! I HATE MY HAIR!”
Me: “You have beautiful hair. Look, we’ll just brush it under a little. . . See?”
Sunny: “I want bangs.”
Me: “Okay, but we’ll have to wait until Friday.”
Sunny: “But that’s AFTER Picture Day!”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
Sunny: “My hair is all POOFY!”
Me: “It’ll settle. Do you want a headband?”
Sunny: “NO! HEADBANDS ARE STOOPID AND MAKE MY HAIR LOOK DANDELION BUSHY!”
Me: “Okay, no headbands. Maybe a pony tail?”
Sunny: “NO!”
Me: “All right. Your choice. But I promise, your hair will settle down.”
Sunny: “Hmmph.”
Me: “Go take your school stuff to the kitchen. Jane! Did you brush your teeth?”
Jane: “Yeah.”
Me: “You brushed your teeth?”
Jane: “YES, Mom, I . . . Oh. Be right back.”
My MIL: “Sunny’s hair looks like it hasn’t seen a brush for days!”
Sunny: “I TOLD YOU MY HAIR WAS TERRIBLE!!”
Me: “I brushed it. It looks fine. It’ll settle down.”
My MIL: “Maybe a headband would help?”
Sunny (bending over to dig into her backpack): “ALL RIGHT, I’LL WEAR A STOOPID HEADBAND!”
My MIL: “Well, I didn’t mean to upset anyone . . .”
Me: “Sweetheart . . . You can’t wear a yellow headband with a pink and black dress. It doesn’t go. I’m sorry.”
Sunny: “It’s the ONLY ONE I HAVE!”
My MIL: “No it isn’t, you have some very nice ones in pink and black. Where are they?”
Sunny: “In my room somewhere.”
Me: “We don’t have time to find them. We’re late already. Her hair is fine. Jane!”
Jane: “I’m tying my shoes!”
Me: “Did you brush your teeth?”
Jane: “YES. I mean, after this.”
My husband (to Sunny): “Oh, don’t you look pretty!”
My MIL: “I just wish someone would do something about her hair!”
Me: “I brushed it. Twice.”
Sunny: “I TOLD YOU IT WAS TERRIBLE!”
My husband: “It’s not. It’ll settle down, Mom. Maybe we should buy her a pick.”
Me: “That won’t settle it down. Jane!”
My husband: “No, but she can get at the underside herself. She’s only brushing the top.”
Me: “I brushed the underside this morning. JANE! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!”
Jane (from offstage): “Ah’m bruffing ma feeff! Ya WANNAG me coo bruff em, wight?!”
My MIL: “Maybe a ponytail?”
Sunny: “AAARRGGHHH!”
Me (giving up): “I’ll be in the car.”
Sunny (several minutes later): “Here you are, Mommy! Aren’t we going to be late?”
Earful of Cider 