My fingernails are red now. A dark red that distracts me as I type and makes me feel . . . like someone who wears dark red nail polish.
I wonder who that person is . . .
From the Quote Collection:
“If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.”
— Lily Tomlin
Sunny’s “Matzie Ball” Soup
Pre-prep: Contrive to have your spouse and MIL find frozen turkeys on sale for 99-cents a pound, buy the limit, fill the freezer, and defrost one out of necessity.
Roast the defrosted turkey for dinner—or better yet, finagle your MIL into doing it by working late—and carve in a manner that would not please the judges on Top Chef. Serve the massacred turkey for dinner, wrap leftovers, save carcass.
Eight to Ten hours Before Soup Time (BST): Stick carcass in soup pot and cover with water. Snap two carrots and a celery rib in four pieces each , chop an onion in quarters, slam some garlic with the flat of your favorite knife, toss it all in the pot. Throw in some oregano, garlic powder, rosemary, bay leaf, pepper and a squirt or two of Worcestershire sauce. Heat on high until boiling, cover, lower heat and simmer all day.
Two hours BST: Chop a couple of cleaned carrots, mince a peeled onion and a few cloves of peeled garlic, and thinly slice a celery rib. Drain the pot into a bowl through a colander or sieve. Swirl a tablespoon or two of oil in the pot and throw in everything you peeled and chopped. Put over medium heat and stir until the onion is soft and the kitchen smells terrific. Pour the stock back in the pot and simmer so the carrots get a chance to soften because the kids complain about firm cooked carrots.
Fifty Minutes BST: Read and follow the directions on the matzoh ball box,** but double the recipe and add oregano, garlic powder, and maybe a little pepper to taste – if you’ve never tasted this stuff before, teaspoon of the first two and a pinch of the pepper and adjust the next time. Chill for twenty minutes or so. Chop the leftover turkey into small pieces.
Thirty minutes BST: Add the chopped turkey to the pot, taste the soup, adjust the seasonings, bring to a boil. Take the Matzoh mixture out of the fridge, wet your hands (trust me, don’t skip this step), and roll the mixture into 2” balls, which is why you doubled the recipe, because small matzoh balls do not deliver as much happiness.
Drop each ball into the boiling soup as you make them and when you’re done, clap the lid on the pot , lower the heat, set the timer for twenty-five minutes and for the love of all that is next to godliness, wash your hands.
Five minutes BST: scoop out the largest matzoh ball, cut it in half to see if the texture is consistent all the way through (think wet dumpling, not rubber cement). Eat largest matzoh ball before calling family because who did all the work?
The Payoff: Serve soup, two matzies in each bowl – three if you’re feeding Sunny.
People who steal DVDs and other items from the library*** will be working the Sisyphean shelves in the Hades Public Library.
Pass it on.
My kids have discovered the Pink Panther cartoons – remember those? Apparently, there’s a new version, but that theme song is still one of a kind:
*Sorry, Julia, last one, I swear.
**Save any soup mix for some bizarre set of circumstances that will call for yellow, chicken-flavored salt. Do not even think of adding that stuff to your turkey stock.
***Including people who check things out and keep them on purpose.