You know why this post is so short?
Because five inches of snow and a 20 minute commute that took and hour and twenty, that’s why.
Because EVERY WINTER, certain owners of big vehicles tell themselves that other people—presumably everyone in front of them—can’t drive in snow and then end up doing some asinine tailgating-passing-too-close-snow-isn’t-slippery-when-I’m-driving-on-it-engine-gunning-mine’s-bigger maneuver that ALWAYS ends up with their beloved behemoth and three or four other cars turned the wrong way at the end of a mile-long bridge, with bumpers and headlight pieces strewn all over the place, blocking the whole works.
At least the kids weren’t in the car with me when it happened and a Terry Pratchett audiobook was, so my tension levels were nearer Eye Twitch than Defcon.
I don’t like driving on snow. And I especially don’t like braking while driving on the packed stuff—which I did for three miles and forty minutes this morning.
There is hope that the roads will be clear of both snow and idiots—Karmic Darwin* to the rescue—because Jane’s birthday is tomorrow, and I would like to pick up a couple of things on the way home, in case her school closes due to “extreme cold”.**
And if you have it worse—and many people do or did or will, this winter—all I can say is that your pain and frustrations don’t negate my pain and frustration.
But if you’d like to share your Winter Wonderland horror stories below, I’m listening.
*Best superhero name ever!
**It’s supposed to be -30F with the wind chill, and many of the kids have to walk outside between classes. It’s one of the hazards of having a school that outgrew its original historical landmark building.
23 thoughts on “Let it Snow, my blue, frozen @$$”
I’m afraid to comment, O Abominable Snow-Momster.
I’d have to drive about two-thousand miles, most of ’em snow-covered, to get to you, Averil, so you’re probably safe. Until Spring.
But I’m totally stealing Snow-Momster! 😀
It’s 16 degrees out, with a windchill of 5. I understand that’s not -30, but it’s still pretty fucking cold.
It totally is—and you have a dog, too, who will presumably have to be coaxed outside at some point or points..
I deeply sympathize and plan to hug my cat when I get home, before complaining about being the only human in the house capable of scooping his litter.
Our normal 25 minute commute ended up being an hour and 15 last night, but we took the scenic route, which meant far fewer other winter drivers to encounter. I am happy to report that our full-size 4WD pickup was not the cause of any accident or slow-down for others. (I totally get where you are coming from, as I drive a much smaller car too.)
It’s not all drivers of big vehicles, Dee—I’m sure you and your husband are considerate and law abiding. 🙂
I have a scenic route, but it’s still crowded. Sigh . . .
I shared my horror story on my blog last year when I lost my front bumper in two separate, low speed, ice storm collisions. Oh, and both collisions took place within five minutes of each other.
So, yes, HARRUMPH!
Now that that’s out of the way, tell me some of Karmic Darwin’s superpowers.
I remember that! It was a story of both terror and beauty. 😀
I don’t know about his superpowers, but KD sure doesn’t wear any capes. 😀
Edna knows how to design a super suit.
True. She would create one that evolved along with him.
Do I have to send you more pics like the one this morning to get you through the cold? Mr. I-never-use-Sun-creme ist at the pharmacy to get treatment for his sun burn! I’m mostly fine. XD
‘Mausi, if I didn’t know that you’re really a sweet, wonderful person, I’d think you were pure evil. ❤
The photos are fabulous, by the way! Sunny asked if we could go to Africa this Spring. 😀
If it helps,I have to go back home in a week. There it is cold and I will not see the sun for weeks. And I have to live with teenagers again….
It doesn’t, really–I’d rather one of us be happy! 😀
Sorry for your experience with the land-yacht mentatility. All the more reason to legalize car-to-car missiles. I won’t HARRUMPH the snow …except when I’m shoveling it. I will blow my nose at subzero windchills, though.
Ooooh! Car-to-Jerk Missiles! I like how you think, John! 😀
I can’t sneeze in subzero temperatures—I think frozen nose hair must impede the process.
Where I live, snow is a once a decade event at best, which means when we get even an inch, the city absolutely closes down. People panic, and drive like the snow is lava, and about to eat through their tires and kill them all. It’s exciting.
It was like that when we were in Lexington, Kentucky a while back. A whole inch was predicted and all the stores sold out of bread and milk by noon.
There was a political cartoon about it a few days later. A single solitary snowflake was drifting down in front of a house with a man staring out through his window at it and screaming, “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!”
I usually just let those people go on their merry way, and then point and laugh when they’ve spun around off the road. Funny, thing, but my first winter in Colorado, I still had Ohio plates on my car. You know how when the weather is bad, you find someone who looks like they know what they’re doing and you follow them? I wound up being that person, likely by virtue of said tags.
I actually had one oil changer ask if my car was 4-wheel drive (Tracker), and was surprised to find that it wasn’t, and further that I lived in Ohio. Apparently, all of Ohio is a snow-covered wasteland in winter…just like all of Colorado.
What book are you listening to?
I’m having a margarita.
Someone once told me that the test to get a Colorado’s driver’s license is one of the toughest in the country—don’t know if that’s true, but I do know that Ohio winter driving is good practice for just about anywhere!
I was listening to Witches Abroad—it finished about halfway there. I now have Jennifer Crusie’s Bet Me. Should get me through the rest of this week! 😀
I’m having hot tea.
Sarah, I suspect that you and I may be sisters from another mister, as I am a huge fan of Jennifer Crusie (Bet Me is fabulous!), and probably consume a third of the world’s tea stores single-handedly. (Is that a word?).
As for snow-induced idiocy, you have my sympathies. I live in Ontario, about an hour outside of Toronto … The city whose mayor actually called in the army to clear a foot and half of snow, declaring it a state of emergency. It seems snow-morons aren’t only behind the wheel of a Hummer. **sigh**
If only Walmart sold common sense.
Jennifer Crusie is awesome. Even my kids want to hear “The book about Fred”. 🙂
Tea is awesome. Period.
And Ontario is the last place I’d expect a lack of snow-sense . . . I think the real problem with common sense is that it’s misnamed?